THE LIGHTER SIDE
The Logic of George Carlin
- Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets aren’t going as ghosts but as mattresses?
- If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him…is he still wrong?
- If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
- Is there another word for synonym?
- Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice?”
- Where do forest rangers go to “get away from it all?”
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
- If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
- If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
- Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
- Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
- How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- One nice thing about egotists: they don’t talk about other people.
- How is it possible to have a civil war?
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
- If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry?
- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
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